Detour Down Memory Lane
by I hart Booth
Summary: At a session with Sweets, Booth is persueded to reveal what it was really like for him to break his gambling habit. Boothcentric short multichap fic, lots of Booth family time
1. Chapter 1

**So, I have this obsession with Booth's past, as many of you already know. And going on the assumption that The Santa in the Slush kiss would lead to the same strain in their relationship that Stargazer in the Puddle's left at the alter did, I decided a little session with Sweets would be the perfect venue toward a little Booth character analysis. I realize Sweets' reasoning may be a bit shaky in the bginning, but...well, you're not reading this because of it's ****psychological** **accuracy, are you?**

Dr. Sweet's office. The Zone of Truth. Well, as far as Booth was concerned, the Zone of Truth could be the Zone of Endless Pie, he still wouldn't want to be there. He was fingering his red dice, doing his best not to pay attention while Sweets spoke. But then something suddenly pulled at his attention much the same way a fishing line yanks on a fish.

"Excuse me?" He sat forward slightly in his chair, he had heard the question more or less, and judging by the surprised, slightly concerned look on Brennan's face, it was more rather than less.

Sweets faltered a bit, glancing back at his notes before looking up again. "Agent Booth, do you have a gambling problem?"

Booth set his jaw and Brennan could practically feel the seething anger radiating off him and she glanced at Sweets. She knew the guy was young, but up until now she hadn't thought he was actually stupid.

"_Had_. I had a gambling problem Sweets, and I don't really see how that relates to anything we're dealing with right now." He spoke through clenched teeth, all but ignoring the calming hand Brennan laid on his arm.

Sweets took a deep breath and swallowed, doing his best to keep an 'I'm not intimidated' look on his face.

"Agent Booth, you have a hero complex and control issues, Dr. Brennan has a naturally independent nature and control issues."

"Are those clinical terms?" Brennan asked, sounding slightly offended.

Sweets glanced at her but continued smoothly. "And since your kiss at Christmas, neither of you can deny that your partnership has been a bit…strained."

Booth and Brennan exchanged glances and shifted uncomfortably in their seats. They certainly couldn't deny that. Just yesterday they'd come dangerously close to blows at a crime scene in Bethesda.

"You were both a bit disconcerted by the sudden shift in your relationship undoubtedly brought on by that kiss. I believe the best way to relieve this strain is to reestablish the connection you once had by taking turns in relinquishing control."

"And my _former_ gambling has to do with that…how?"

Sweets cleared his throat. "You're both naturally private people, while you've established a very strong bond already, at this point in time it is obvious that a rift has been driven between you. You both also have your vulnerabilities, by sharing and talking about those vulnerabilities with each other, you will restore that trust and free flow of reliance on one another that you once had."

Brennan shifted and frowned, the way she often did when something she wasn't quite sure she believed something, but couldn't come up with a logical argument to dispute it. Booth sat back in his chair, trying to come up with another excuse and fairly quickly.

Sweets raised his eyebrows in that coaxing way he did. "Agent Booth?"

Booth narrowed his eyes at the young man and bit back a smile. "You know Sweets, it's a good thing I find you mildly amusing."

Sweets had a feeling that was more of a veiled threat than a compliment. Booth had to give the boy props, he didn't blink. But he did swallow hard and beads of sweat began forming on his brow. With a deep sigh, Booth conceded.

"Fine." He cracked his knuckles, his eyes glued to a bookshelf along Sweet's far wall. "I started gambling when I got back from my first tour of duty in Israel, Operation Desert Storm. At first it wasn't that bad, only on the weekends when I had nothing better to do, but pretty soon, it was more and worse. I couldn't get enough. I loved the action, I loved the winning. But then my luck turned. I needed money and I needed it fast. I was pretty good at hiding it and I didn't think anybody had seen a change. But somebody did."

_August 1992_

_They were on vacation for the summer form St. Joseph's University, it was supposed to be their summer. Nothing but parties and fun and memories to be made. Instead, she spent half the time trying to sober him up, the other half wondering if he would ever lose that hollow look in his eyes and be the carefree, happy man she'd been with two years ago._

_They'd gone to the same High School, but hadn't met until their senior year. She, being an army brat, understood his sense of duty and honor the way no one else really did. The bond they'd formed was something like a flash fire that burned for three weeks, reaching it's peak the night before he was deployed. A night that had gotten them both through the long months to come. _

_She would probably say it was fate that brought them together. He wasn't so sure he believed in all that anymore. Hell, these days, he didn't know what to believe. _

_She approached him slowly from behind, feeling a little bit like prey trying to sneak up on it's predator. She knew that Seeley would never hurt her, of course, but since he'd gotten back from his first tour of duty overseas, his moods had been erratic and violently changeable. She'd learned it was best to err on the side of caution. _

_He stood by himself out at the edge of an empty parking lot behind their former favorite haunt. A diner that they'd all but lived in all through high school. He on his stool at the bar with his friends, she in a booth with hers. Only now the old fashioned diner felt too small, too young for the people they had become. She couldn't quite pinpoint when it had happened, but at some point in the past year and a half, she and Seeley had outgrown what life was and could have been. And reality had yet to be defined._

_She watched him for a moment, he stared long and hard at the empty field out behind the diner, a sky full of stars the only light shining down on them. She felt a bit like she was invading his privacy, watching him like this, but at the same time, the sight of him was somewhat intoxicating. His hair had only begun to grow out from his extremely short Army regulation buzz cut, his strong powerful frame and jaw line outlined sharply by the soft blue glow. He liked to be alone these days, and watching him had been a luxury she'd been indulging in more often than she would admit. _

_A white puff of smoke flew up over his head and she frowned a bit, clutching her brown purse by the handle. Since she was warm in nothing but her t-shirt and jean jacket, she knew it wasn't from cold air. _

"_When did you start smoking?" She could tell she'd startled him by the way he whirled around, and it startled her a little bit. Ever since he'd come back from whatever he'd been doing in the Army, he never talked about it so she really had no idea, he'd been hard to get a reaction out of at all, and surprise was just plain impossible. _

_He looked guiltily at her, glancing down at the glowing cigarette between his fingers. _

"_I picked it up overseas." He mumbled quietly, dropping it to the ground and stomping it out. _

_When she stayed quiet he shifted nervously, fearing he could add disappointing her to the long line of things he felt had gone wrong since his return. _

"_I don't do it much. It just calms me down sometimes." He added, watching as she kicked the dirt at her feet and meandered over to lean against the fence that separated the field from the parking lot of the diner. _

"_Picked up a lot of bad habits overseas, huh Seeley?" _

_He furrowed his brows and mimicked her position, standing close so that they were shoulder to shoulder. _

"_What are you talking about?"_

_She only shook her head and it seemed to take forever for her to finally look at him again._

"_You should go home Seeley." She whispered, as the nighttime often commands one to do, "Go home to your family."_

_He turned his body to face her fully, carefully bringing his hands up to cup her cheeks. She looked up at him and he paused, momentarily immobilized by the deep emotions swirling in her eyes. He wondered if those were tears of joy, sadness or fear shining in them. _

"_You're all the family I need." _

_She could hardly breathe when he turned the full brunt of his intense gaze on her like that, but she did her best anyway. _

"_That's not true." She smiled softly, "But thank you for saying so." _

_He cocked his head and cocked his smile and for a moment she was a girl back at school with him, her stomach a sea of butterflies, waiting for their first kiss. But this wasn't high school anymore, and the time for first kisses had long past. _

_Reaching up slowly, she covered his hands with hers, gently pulling them off her cheeks and folding them together between hers. _

"_I love you." _

_He was confused to see something like sympathy cross her pretty face as she kissed the inside of his wrists, right over his tattoos. _

"_Now go. Something tells me they need to talk to you."_

_Hesitating only for a moment, but not saying another word, he finally turned and got into his truck, pulling out and heading home. And she stood there watching him go, waving goodbye. _

"If I'd known what I would find when I got home, I probably wouldn't have gone. And I'd probably still be gambling now." _Or worse_. Booth's voice was low, and he sat back in his chair looking exhausted from the ordeal of telling the first part of his story.

Brennan looked at her hands, clasped neatly in her lap. She couldn't decide what she felt as regards to hearing Booth talk about his ex in such an affectionate way. And, unable to rationalize the dually pleasant and unpleasant feelings she was having, she resigned herself to fiddling with loose threads and avoiding eye contact with Sweets, lest he ask her to comment.

"And why is that Agent Booth?"

A slightly bitter, slightly amused smile kicked up one side of Booth's mouth as his dark eyes flashed with a memory from years before.

"Have you ever experienced an intervention before Sweets?"

**There's more where that came from, poke the button and tell me how much you want it...or if not at all..that would make me sad...but I can take it.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow, you guys are so awesome. I actually was very surprised at the reaction to the first chap, I was expecting something a bit more wishy-washy since I wasn't entirely convinced it was my best work, but mahalo for the ego boost! Now this chap, this chap I love, especially the flashback, so lets see if you all feel the same way...**

**Oh, and, theres this new fic up called 'Our Relationship Ain't Big Enough for Both of Us' by Wink Productions. I hear it's good, you should check it out. :)**

"It was weird. My dad was always the unchallenged head of our family. No one ever defyed his decisions, no one talked back. If there was a problem, he was the one to fix it." Booth licked his lips, speaking low and soft, caught somewhere between the present and the past. "Mom was always there at his side, but she was fragile, you know? Dad was the lawmaker."

Brennan nodded to herself, that sort of upbringing would definitely fit Booth's evident gender assignment roles. Right down to his persistent need to drive, if she really thought about it.

"So it was weird, that the first person to confront me about my gambling, was Jared."

"Jared?" Sweets questioned.

"His older brother." Brennan filled him in automatically, barely even glancing in his direction.

Sweets made a note on his pad. "Why do you think that is, Agent Booth?"

Booth shrugged, never looking away from the space-out-spot he'd found about a foot and a half in front of his nose. "I always assumed it was because, at least at first ,Mom and Dad just didn't want to believe it."

_August 1992_

_When he walked inside, he was greeted by the wide eyes of his mother sitting alone at the dining room , a tissue in her hand and a box near her left hand, but by the look on her face, it was hard to tell whether or not she was upset.. His father sat far forward in his recliner, his forehead leaning on clasped hands in what looked like prayer, but Booth knew wasn't. His father hadn't been religious since grampa died. Then there was Jared, Booth didn't have to wonder what his brother was thinking, they shared facial expressions as if telepathically linked. The face Jared wore could mean only one thing: he was pissed.. _

"_Hi." Booth said finally, frowning but not commenting on the way all three pairs of eyes locked on him when he walked in the door. He decided quickly that he didn't want anything to do with whatever was going on to make everyone look like that and started quickly for the kitchen to grab some food and then head to his bedroom. _

"_Hey Seel, where've you been?" The false cheer in his brother's voice thinly veiled the anger trembling behind it. Booth stopped. _

"_I was with Rebecca." He said simply, turning around. "She said I should go home, and I'm sure glad I did since Mom made that Cincinnati Chili." He smiled easily, sniffing the air and rubbing his hands together. He tried again to escape into the kitchen, and again Jared's voice called him back._

"_Oh." Jared crossed his arms and nodded, the expression on his face said he was expecting to hear more. "What about this weekend? We didn't see you around." _

_Booth stopped, tilting his head slightly as he schooled his face into neutrality. He knew an interrogation when he walked into one, and he'd learned to lie smoothly. He stuck his hands in his pockets. "I was busy looking for work for the summer."_

_Jared clenched his jaw and turned to look at his mother, still seated at the table. He didn't say anything, but the silent conversation that passed between them was something along the lines of 'I told you so' and 'No, I don't believe it'. _

_Booth took his opportunity and moved the rest of the way across the room for the stairs. _

"_Oh, hey Seeley." _

_Booth bit back an exhasperated sigh and turned, saying as amiably as possible, "Yeah, Jared?"_

"_I uh, my car broke down today," a lie. "do you happen to have that $300 bucks I loaned you last week?" _

_Again, Booth didn't even blink, even while his heart raced at the possibility of his secret being discovered._

"_Uh, no bro, not yet, but listen if it's something to do with your car, why don't you let me take a look? Maybe I can fix it." He said with a smile, praying Jared would accept his peace offering and drop the subject. _

_Unfortunately for him, there was nothing wrong with Jared's car. _

"_I thought you said you would have the money in a few days." Jared said slowly, doing his very best to stay non-threatening. _

_Booth frowned, his spine stiffening under the scruitiny of his older brother. _

_Instead of answering, he narrowed his eyes and moved his gaze from Jared's to rest on his parent's who still sat quietly on the couch. He approached them,and fought not to let his fingers fidget inside his coat pockets. But he couldn't seem to help it, he had the sneaking suspicion he was being set up._

"_Hey dad, what happened to the Revolutionary War Documentary you were going to watch? You've been looking forward to it all month. It's tonight isn't it?" he watched as his father, a big man in every sense of the word whom Booth had never really outgrown being intimidated by, slowly shook his head. His mother searched for his hand, squeezing it tightly. _

"_Something came up, son." His gravely voice didn't match the tenderness in the man's eyes, but __Booth couldn't help the disbelieving look that crossed his face just as Jared piped up again. _

"_Hey Seeley, I could really use that money so…"_

"_I don't have the money right now Jared, I'll get it to you later." He said sharply, his gaze never leaving that of his father's, "Dad, I really think you should watch it. It's all you've talked about for a week."_

_His father didn't get a chance to respond when, all at once, Jared lost his temper and cut in once more._

"_Where the hell is the money Seeley?!" _

"_I don't have the damn money, I'll get it to you later!" Booth whirled around, his nerves all broken as regards to his brother tonight. He was agitated and angry as it was and more than ready for a fight if Jared was offering. For the first time in his life he felt that if he and his brother were going to duke it out, he had a very good chance of winning._

_Only, instead of taking a swing at him, his brother did something he didn't expect. He turned and stalked over to the table, snatching a couple sheets of paper off it and returning, shoving them roughly into Booth's hands. _

"_You don't have it, or you already lost it at a Green Clover Casino?" _

_Booth ground his teeth as he reluctantly looked down and saw what his brother had given him. He thought he'd lost his temper before, but when he saw a few grainy photos of himself entering a run down casino two counties over, he realized he'd only just begun._

"_You hired a PI to follow me? What the hell kind of bother are you Jared?!" With a sharp flick of his wrist Booth threw the 8x10 black and white's back in his brother's face, stomping off toward the stairs without looking back. _

"_The kind that gives a damn whether or not you throw your life away." Jared snatched the photos off the ground and took off after his brother up the stairs, leaving their parents alone downstairs. "Rebecca was worried about you, she said she hadn't seen you in days which we found a little strange since you **said** you were spending all your time with her."_

_Booth didn't turn around as he continued diligently down the hallway toward his room. "Yeah well thanks a lot for your concern but I thought I outgrew babysitters a long time ago." Booth knew it was a bit juvenile, but that didn't stop him from slamming his bedroom door when he got to it. _

_Jared caught the door just before it hit his face and pushed it back open with the same force, causing it to hit the wall, and knock a baseball trophy off a nearby shelf. "Hey, let's get one thing straight here. I never asked for this job, alright? You're a selfish little shit most of the time and you drive me up the wall."_

"_Love you too bro, sorry I couldn't be the **picnic** you always were." He said sardoncially, stripping off his green-canvas military jacket and throwing it hard against the far wall. _

_"**But** I'm your older brother. And it's my job to worry about you and make sure you're not running around and making an ass of yourself." Both were red in the face, Jared using most of his energy to breathe and scream at the same time, Booth expending his own by pacing and gritting his teeth, trying hard to think of reasons not to hit his brother._

"_I know you better than anyone else Seeley, you used to tell me everything. What happened, huh? Ever since you got back you won't go near anybody, you won't talk to anyone and now **this**? What the hell is going on?" _

_If Booth had been willing to look, he would have seen he genuine distress and confusion flooding Jared's words as he spoke, but the blood rushing in his ears prevented it._

"_Hey, you **don't** know me, alright? You don't know anything about me. We're not kids anymore." _

"_No we're not." _

"_And this," He pointed at the pictured clutched in Jared's fingers, "isn't some stupid fight with a school bully that you can bail me out of. This is something **I** do to deal with stuff __**I've**__ got going on inside __**me**__. This has nothing to do with you so stay the hell out of it."_

"_Look, Seeley, I know it's tough readjusting to civilian life…" Jared tried, attempting to even out his voice._

_"No you don't." Booth shook his head, "You've spent your whole life doing exactly what everyone expected of you. Never taking any chances and you know what? Your damn good at it." He said severely, a cold look in his eyes that sent shivers down Jared's tensely straight spine._

_"And you're the prodigal son who does exactly what he wants, exactly when he wants and the rest of us are left to clean up your messes." Was Jared's quick retort._

"_God Dammmit Jared! What do you want from me? You don't know what it's like to watch your friends be killed in cold blood. Do you? You don't know what it's like to be in so much pain you literally pray to God to just kill you so it will be over and then ask him why you were the only one to make it out alive. Do you? **Do you?!"**_ _He demanded, advancing_ _on him so they were toe to toe_.

_Jared didn't speak, and it was enough of an answer for Booth._

"_No. You don't. And until you do, stay the hell out of my business." _

_There was a long pause as the two men took a moment to catch their breath, Booth returning to his spot on the other side of the bed, needing some distance between them. _

_" You know what? You're right." Jared said finally, quietly. "I don't know you anymore. Nobody does and nobody can. You've got so many damn walls up nobody can get near you. And I'm sorry that stuff happened to you, Seeley, but pushing us away isn't going to help. What did Dad always tell us? That the bonds of family are what hold people together. No man is an island Seeley and no one can love a wall. These…memories. This pain you hold inside, you gotta let it go. You gotta get it out, into the air, if you don't it'll eat you up and that's all that'll be left is those **same damn walls**."_

_He took a deep breath, his younger brother looking as stolid and unyielding as ever. He saw that he was getting nowhere with this, and decided to try one more tack, hoping to appeal to the humanity he was sure still resided deep inside that heart made cold and black from too many things done and seen._

"_What about mom?"_

"_What about her?" Seeley asked, taken aback by the question._

"_You're killing her with this shit." He paused gesturing helplessly with the photos, "You're her baby, you know? And every time you're in trouble she's the first to jump to your defense. Watching you…do this to yourself, it's killing her." Jared took a deep breath and stepped back, turning toward the door, "If you won't stop this for you, do it for her." _

_Booth watched his brother turn to leave and he took a deep breath, unsure if he wanted to cry or punch a hole in something. He pulled his pack of cigarettes from his back pocket, placed one between his lips, craving the sweet release his other guilty indulgence always brought. But he simply couldn't bring himself to light it this time. _

_"To hell with it." He muttered. Disgusted, he pulled the cigarette from his mouth and tossed it and the rest of the pack in the toilet of his joining bathroom._

_Returning to his room, shaking his head, he rubbed his face. He lay down on his bed, and tried for something he hadn't experienced in what felt like years. Sleep._

"You were a smoker?"

Booth blinked a few times and looked over at his partner, giving him a frown he didn't recognize. Fearing the worst, he dropped his eyes to the floor, feeling about two inches tall.

"There's a lot of things you don't know about me Bones, most of it I hope you never will."

The expression on Brennan's face instantly changed to one of compassion, if not tearful understanding and she reached for his hand. Squeezing it gently, she searched out his gaze and once she had it, she gave him a smile, causing the Sweets and the rest of the room to fall away.

"What happened next?"

**I bet Brennan isn't the only one with that question. In fact, I beleive I asked Booth the same thing as I ended this chapter. Lets hope he and Izzie can get together sooner rather than later...**


	3. Chapter 3

**_I'm so pskyed that everyone is enjoying this fic. I hope this one is up to par, it's sort of like the Rebecca one in that, I wrote it because I knew the story needed it, but I'm mostly looking forward to the next one. Hmmm...I wonder if that makes sense. _**

**_Disclaimer: If I owned Bones, Booth's wardrobe would consist of jeans, a belt buckle, socks and...nope, that's about it. Oh wait, and a gun. Gotta have a gun. _**

"What happened next?" Booth repeated, closing his eyes and rubbing his face. "Sweets, don't you have some other patients or something…" He made a halfhearted attempt at trying to get out of telling the rest of his story.

Sweets blinked a few times and glanced down at his clipboard, a bit flustered to realize he'd gotten so caught up in the story, that he'd forgotten to continue analyzing what Booth had been saying.

Ears fire engine read, he began scribbling furiously at his paper. "No, um, Agent Booth, you go ahead and continue. I'll…move around my schedule."

Booth and Brennan exchanged glances, but didn't comment. Booth shrugged and after loosening his tie, and still feeling uncomfortably restricted, simply took it off and stuffed it in his jacket pocket.

"Where was I?"

_August 1992_

"_Seeley?" Marie Booth knocked softly on the closed bedroom door. The action reminded her of when her boys were teenagers. When upset or unhappy, they could inevitably be found sulking in their rooms. Especially Seeley, he was always the more intense and sensitive of the two. She received no response and knocked again, a little harder this time and before peeking inside. _

_She expected to find him pacing and muttering crossly under his breath, as he often did after an argument with his brother. Jared had been flustered and angry when he came downstairs, if not looking downright defeated, which hadn't surprised her much. Seeley was also always the more stubborn and unwieldy of the two. _

_So she was somewhat stunned to find Booth on his bed, apparently sleeping, and she heaved a sigh of relief. For the past three weeks since he'd been home, she could hear him moving around in his bedroom at night, getting home and leaving at all hours of the morning, __**if**__ he came home at all.. Seeing him relaxed in sleep was the first time since he'd been home that he looked to her like the little boy she'd sent off to school when he was five. _

_She made her way across the bedroom, absently picking up a wadded up shirt and jacket, folding them on her lap as she sat next to him on the bed. With a deep breath, her eyes roamed over his face, wondering what was happening inside his dreams to make him clench his teeth and frown that way. And afraid she didn't really want to know. _

_Hesitating only slightly, she reached out her left hand, with the burgundy nail polish and a sparkling wedding ring that had been in it's place for more than twenty years, she brushed her fingers across his forehead. Then, she smoothed it across his short hair lightly at first, his face slowly relaxed it's tense expression and she smiled._

"_Oh Seeley." She whispered, well aware that he couldn't hear her, "I wish I knew what to say. I'm you're mother, I should know what to say when you're upset, shouldn't I? But I don't. All I know is that I love you Seeley, no matter...what's going on, no matter what you've seen." She hated the sound of tears in her own voice, always having counted them as a sign of weakness, but she couldn't seem to hold them back. For the first time in her life, she didn't know how to protect her baby boy, and it scared her to death. _

"_But especially Seeley, no matter what you've done. Because I know you, you've got such a…huge heart. And you value life so much…I know, in the end, what you're really worried about. You're afraid we wouldn't love you as much if we knew what you've had to do over the past year and a half." She closed her eyes just in time to miss the miniscule tightening of his face muscles, signifying that he was no longer asleep, if he had ever been in the first place. _

"_I just wish I could…tell you" She shook her head, reaching for his hand, "…there is nothing, nothing Seeley, that you could do that would change the fact that you are my son. And I will never stop loving you. You're my boy." Her voice turned into a whisper as she spoke and she leaned over, giving him a gentle kiss on the forehead. _

_Marie sighed once more, feeling a little bit better, but knew the long struggle they had ahead of them and it weighed heavily on her heart and mind as she started to stand and leave the room. But he reached out and caught her hand, pulling her back down next to him. _

"_Mom." Seeley opened his eyes and bit his lip, feeling a bit childish. "I…I feel like I want to say 'I'm sorry'. It was never my intention to hurt you I just…" He broke off, unsure of how to finish, and she smiled gently, squeezing his hand. _

"_Seeley, you graduated at the top of your class. You had academic scholarships and sports scholarships to some of the best schools in the country. But instead, you decided you wanted to be an Army Ranger. Why?" _

_His voice cracked, but he spoke with conviction, "Because I love this country. I want to protect it."_

_She nodded, squeezing him once more. "And don't you ever apologize for that, you hear me? But... **I** love **you**, and **I** want to protect **you**. And I did not survive sending you to war, only to have you destroy yourself when you got back." _

_He looked down at the bedspread and closed his eyes as his mother kissed him once more on the cheek. _

"_Sleep well, baby."_

Booth paced near the back of Sweet's office. How long had they been here? It was starting to feel like days.

Sweets, for his part, was still a bit stunned that he'd gotten so much from the usually tight-lipt, very private agent. At the beginning of the session he was ready to settle for the three or four sentence response he was expecting. The fact that Booth had willingly divulged so much what he'd experienced, meant at least two things. One, this partnership meant more to the two of them than he had ever truly realized. And two, this was something Agent Booth had needed to talk about for a very, very long time, like a dam on a seemingly calm river, that held a strong, harsh undercurrent. Apparently, Sweets had found the crack in the dam, and pushed.

Brennan wore that fork-in-toaster look Hodgins so loved, on something of a sensory overload after nearly an hour of hearing things about Booth's past that, frankly, she'd never even taken the time to imagine. It worried her a little bit, that Booth knew so much about her past, and yet she, apparently, knew nearly nothing about his. Was that a coincidence, or deliberate? And if it was deliberate, was it he who wanted it that way, or her? And it made her wonder a little bit, about what else there was she didn't know about him, and how much more he was willing to share.

These were not questions she felt prepared to deal with in that moment and so, she filed them away for future reference somewhere in the back of her mind. Then, shifting in her chair, she pursed her lips, observing Booth carefully as he continued.

_**Want to play a game? You click the button and leave a review...and I smile and giggle excitedly. It's a win-win! ;P**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Once again, thanks for the reading and the reviewing and the love. I love love. You know that song? _What the world needs now, is love sweet love_...It's a good old song. Hm, sorry. Tangent. Back to the story. **

"You feel like eating something?" Booth asked, slipping on his sunglasses as they sped down the road in his SUV.

"Hm? Oh. Yeah, that's fine." Brennan answered absently, before returning to where she was looking out the window.

Booth frowned. She'd been quiet ever since they left Sweets. He wondered if he'd maybe freaked her out a little with everything he'd said. If he had, he wasn't really surprised, he'd freaked himself out a little.

He chanced another look at her at the next stoplight. She didn't really look freaked out, she more had that...'mouth parted, eyes wide as she tries to think of an appropriate response' look. No, she really seemed more thoughtful than anything. Of course, it didn't take a genius to figure out what she was thinking about.

Brennan heard him say something about food, but it took her a second to realize he was talking _**to**_ her and that she would be required to make a response. So she did, noncommittally, hoping it made sense. It was a little strange, she wasn't really the type to obsess about things, nd she'd always found mulling to be a waste of time. And yet, she couldn't get the things Booth had said out of her mind.

_August 1992_

"_Seeley! Seeley, wake up!" _

_Booth awoke from fitful sleep to his father shaking his shoulders and calling his name. _

"_I'm awake. I'm awake, Dad." He pushed the hands away and sat up an, swinging his feet over the opposite side of the bed to where his father sat. He let his head drop into his hands as his heart raced in his chest, a cold sweat chilling his skin. He shivered. _

"_You were screaming." Joseph Booth's naturally deep voice seemed especially low, weighted with something like worry and sadness as it mingled with the dark. He sat hunched over, staring at his hands, convinced the sound of his son's terrified screams was something he would never be able to forget._

"_Yeah. I do that." Booth muttered, suddenly standing and reaching for his jeans._

"_Where are you going?" _

_Booth pulled on his pants, feeling claustrophobic in his skin and craving either a cigarette or a pair of dice to keep his shaking hands busy. _

"_I need a smoke." He answered in another frustrated growl, realizing that not only was he incapable of sleeping for more than three hours at a time, he wasn't even going to be able to pass his time spent awake trying to make a little extra cash. Then he swore and rubbed hard at his eyes with the heels of his hands, remembering he'd thrown his pack in the toilet earlier. _

"_What?" Booth's father asked again, feeling a little bit like a mother hen for asking his son so many questions. He just couldn't shake the feeling of needing to hold on tight to Seeley, like he was afraid he'd lose him again, forever this time._

"_I threw them in the toilet." He said with a sigh, pressing his forehead against the wall in aggravation, using all his control not to bang it instead. _

_His father slowly rose from the bed, trying not to act as uneasy as he felt. He tied his robe as he walked toward the door._

"_Probably for the best, those things'll kill you, you know. How about I buy you a beer instead?" He put a large hand on his son's shoulder ignoring how tense it felt beneath his palm, and Booth shrugged in defeat. _

"_Got any Jack?" _

_They sat on the back porch steps, Booth sipping a shot of vodka, his father a glass of warm milk. _

"_Shooting craps helps." Booth said finally, after they'd sat for several minutes in the dark and he'd grown tired of waiting for his father to say something. "With the nightmares. I didn't mean to..." _

_He heard his father turn to look at him, but didn't even glance up from the old oak tree stump that sat six feet from the house. He remembered when his parent's had had it cut down, he'd been ten and completely devastated at the fact that Fort Christopher would be torn down along with it. "I didn't mean to hurt anybody."_

_Joseph cleared his throat, speaking softly, staring at the same stump, remembering the way his youngest son had watched bravely from the driveway, putting on a tough front to hide the tears, while the tree men hauled away half his childhood memories. "Seeley, those five weeks when you were MIA were hard on all of us. We didn't know if we'd ever see you again. You're brother didn't mean to...attack you. He's just worried about you, he doesn't want to lose you again." He swallowed the rest of his milk. "None of us do." _

_Booth's shoulder's slumped slightly and he grabbed the bottle of Vodka beside him and poured another glass. _

"_When you started disappearing at all hours of the night, and no one could find you on the weekends. And...when money started disappearing for weeks we just..." Booth sighed and dropped his head once more, Joseph frowned. "We're just worried about you, Seel. No one's angry at you."_

_Booth nodded. "I am." He muttered, low enough that his father didn't hear. __Booth rolled his head from side to side, briefly wondering what time it was, before he decided he didn't care. _

"_Rum was mine." _

_Booth looked up, confused as to what he meant. _

"_How I coped." Joe clarified, "When I got back from Vietnam we were...nobody's heroes. And I mean, the Air Force taught me a lot of things about teamwork and leadership and flying…but they never taught us how to go back." He shrugged, and frowned at his empty glass. "So everyone kind of stumbles through it on their own. Some guys come back and…it's like they never left, and some need a little help learning how to be a civilian again. I drank. And I wasn't that great of a person when I did. One night your mother came to bail me out of jail…I'd, uh, cracked a barstool across somebody's back, and she told me I had to give it up, or she'd leave me." He held out his milk glass proudly. "I haven't touched the stuff since." _

_Booth was quiet for a long time and finally his father looked up at him, surprised to see tears running down his cheeks, and Joe was struck witht the knowledge that for all the things Booth was, strong, independent and stubborn, there was a part of him that, at least in this moment, was still his young son, scared and needing guidance._

"_Oh, my boy." Joseph whispered, hooking a hand around behind Booth's neck and pulling his son toward him, Booth pressed his face into his father's shoulder, hugging him tight. _

"_It'll get better Seeley. I promise you." _

_Booth's only response was to hold on tighter, feeling safe for the first time in nearly two years. _

Brennan jumped a little when Booth touched her shoulder, he'd come to her side of the car and was grinning at her like a little boy with a bad idea.

"Hey, there Bones, you back with me? I was beginning to think you were catatonic."

She smiled shyly. "Yeah. C'mon let's eat."

Booth smiled and led her inside by the small of her back. They settled at the bar with drinks, waiting for Sid to bring their food.

"Hey Booth?"

"Yeah Bones."

"What...was it like for you?"

He folded his arms on the counter and looked at her, frowning. "What do you mean?"

She shrugged, swirling her straw around in her glass with the blue liquid. "I mean, you told us what everyone else thought and about their points of views. What about yours?"

Booth looked away, starring hard at the beer nuts in the little black bowl before them. He knocked back the rest of his drink and sighed.

"You just can't stand easy questions, can you?"

Brennan only smiled shaking her head a little. Then she followed when, a moment later, Booth picked up her drink and his own, and moved toward a secluded booth near the back of the restaurant.

**Okay, one more chap, I don't think it will have a flashback, but it should be fun. See you there. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Hope this lives up to expectations, and yes, I know the last line is cheesy. Forgive me.**

Booth focused on sipping his beer and speaking in a voice that didn't betray any of the secrets he had left, he'd almost forgotten how hungry he'd been when they came.

Brennan listened patiently while he spoke, she would probably never know how much that meant to him, that she listened. There were precious few people in the world who he allowed to see these smaller, darker parts of himself, mostly avoiding it out of self preservation and pride. But he trusted Bones, and the way she was looking at him now was only one of the many reasons why.

"On the surface, I didn't feel anything. I was numb." He leaned back in the booth, speaking low enough that Brennan had to concentrate on hearing him, even though the restaurant was mostly empty and quiet. "Part of the reason gambling worked…for me, was because it was the only time I felt anything. Sometimes good things, sometimes bad things….but it always made me feel something. I guess, some part of me, wanted…needed that."

He cleared his throat and stopped when a waitress brought the food Sid had prepared for them, and Brennan picked at her lasagna. "What about under the surface?"

Booth's eyes flicked toward her, and something in his eyes made her catch her breath, but he looked away again before she could even attempt to identify what it was.

"Underneath…" He shook his head, sighing, "I was tired, I was angry, I was lonely. But, I think, mostly I was…scared. When I got home, I wasn't fresh from war or even fresh from an Army base. I was fresh from the VA, only two months after being held a prisoner of war for nearly five weeks. I'd lost a lot of friends, lost my faith, my patriotism, my sense of self. I wasn't sure if I believed in anything, and it scared the shit out of me. Sometimes it still does." He shut his mouth with an audible click, and brought his drink to his lips. The last part had slipped out before he could stop it, and he was terrified Bones had just enough perceptiveness to catch it. "But my dad was right. It has gotten better, with time."

Brennan was quiet for a while before sighing and sitting up, clasping her hands in her lap, staring at untouched lasagna. "You never…I never knew about…any of that. The gambling."

Booth nodded, setting down his beer. "I really never wanted you to, Bones."

Her stomach tightened at bit at that and she frowned. "Are you sorry you told me?"

"No, it's not that Bones. I don't want to keep things from you," He said, reading her mind per usual, "I just…it's easier to be the white knight, you know? To…be someone who protects and serves. To be the FBI guy who works with squints and solves murders and holds no scars from the past. I know it's immature and illogical but…" He shrugged as he pulled his beer back to his lips.

"No." Brennan immediately disagreed, drawing Booth's tired eyes to hers as he leaned over the table. "Not illogical. Your 'white knight' persona defines you much the same way my job defines me. We're primates Booth, social creatures who search for a role in society and yearn for acceptance in that role. I don't think less of you for having another part of yourself separate from that." She pursed her lips and dropped her gaze momentarily, pursing her lips as she brought her eyes back up to his, "if anything I…admire you. For your courage and ability to step outside the character your comfortable with displaying in order to strengthen our partnership."

A ghost of a smile passed over Booth's lips and he straightened a little in his seat, feeling lighter at her compliment.

"Thank you, Temperance."

She nodded, and he looked on as she knocked back the rest of her wine in one fell swoop and her cheeks reddened with warmth.

"And I, um, while I may not be entirely comfortable appearing…revealing certain aspects of myself in front of Sweets, I…firmly believe in keeping to our precedent of give-and-take in our partnership."

Booth frowned slightly as he tried to catch her meaning. "Oh, Bones, you don't have to. I mean if you want to that's fine, I'd be…honored. But I don't want you to feel…you know, pressure."

Brennan nodded, only fidgeting slightly with her napkin. "I know. I want to."

When she looked up she was immediately put at ease by the warm smile on his face and he held her gaze just long enough to be too long.

He looked away. "Well, whenever you're ready, I'll be here Bones."

She watched him for a moment, drinking his beer and rolling his shoulders, letting his eyes drift close as he attempted to relax more fully. A man, so full of power and energy, and yet in complete control over it and able to direct it in whatever way he wanted. She suddenly felt overwhelmed with the bond they shared, wondering what she'd done to deserve it. And then, all at once, she recalled what she'd learned about him that day and the way he sometimes looked at her, eyes full of awe and pride. She thought that maybe, he wondered the same thing sometimes, and that was what made them such great partners.

He finally couldn't stand her gaze on him any longer and turned to look at her, just as she tilted her head and opened her mouth to speak.

"I know Booth. Thank you."

He winked at her, pulling a few bills from his pocket and dropping them on the table, then picking up his jacket with one hand and taking her hand with the other he pulled her up from the booth, asking Sid for a couple of take out boxes.

Sid packaged their food and Booth snatched her box before she could get to it.

"Booth I am perfectly capable of holding my own food." Brennan protested half-heartedly as they moved toward the doors.

"Tell me something I don't know Bones." He shook his head and searched his pockets for his keys, Brennan seized her opportunity and grabbed both the take-out boxes from his arms.

"Aw C'mon…Bones! Would it kill you to let me be the gentleman I am every once in a blue moon?"

"I'm not sure, and I don't think I want to test it out." She spun around and grinned at him, "And I've never understood the expression 'blue moon'. It's not blue."

Booth rolled eyes, shaking his head as he followed her outside, "It's just an expression Bones. We've been over this."

Sid was left wiping down their table and laughing quietly to himself as their words faded.

"G-man and Bone Lady." He grinned, "They should have their own tv show."

END

**Hope you liked!**


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